an untitled something

i get so frustrated and jealous, not in a terrible way --if there even is such a thing. this is constant non stop from here to there and back again then past all this &left it behind just to return. I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP, THROW IN THE TOWEL & SUBMIT TO GOD --BUT I DONT KNOW HOW.
why does desire have such great strength, and the will is so weak; how is it that one can subdue the heart? what does it take, the mind? i think ive tried that. .......................I dont want to, i dont want to....................i like my mosquito bites
. . .
its not the mind. its not the body --i dont have that strength. it is God. It takes God. &maybe submission and that is the hardest of all.
we all like our mud holes,[blue tilapia] just lil babies playing in slums making mud pies
Oh God! let ours eyes arise and be pleased by holidays at your seas[cs lewis].


fyi: sometimes i start these posts and get distracted by prayer, sleep, fb or food and dont publish them or decide not to b/c id prefer my privacy. but sometimes i come back weeks later or days and decide to post them after all and finish off any last thoughts.
thank you & good day