Brother and Sister

I just got back from hanging out with Randy & Stephanie!!! They treated me to a night out and are just amazing souls :)
Man are they awesome &oh so kind. They came and picked me up at my house & kidnapped me to downtown San Antonio b/c i had no idea where we were going thus a kidnapping LOL. The plan was to go to the Life Is Good store and then dinner &then... yea wing it from there. They let me pick the style of food for dinner but today i happen to be in one of my most indecisive moods ever --i just had no idea what i wanted to eat & was fine with any thing. We ended up having sushi, which i absolutely loved. tempura, eel sushi = 2 thumbs way up. Stephanie gave me a tour of down town lol, we took some pics --3 ladies almost stole randy's camera lol, and i just loved down town. The architecture, lights, river, music and bagpipes how could i not --well except the traffic, there was terrible traffic & no parking!
Then we went to the Quarry to chill some more & had ice cream --yum! &yea greatness {"spread good vibes" --life is good}

but yea, i love them, they are great friends and put up with my absent/horrible long-distance friendship && the fact that i pretty much live out in the boonies compared to where they live & still drive out there to get me and most of all bring me home lol because i still dont have a car --but hopefully, if all goes well ill have one sometime along summer.

i want more

i want to hangout with my friends
i want to feel loved -in love
i want a car -to be able to go where i want when i want
i wish i didnt need the praise of men to lift my spirit
i wish i didnt turn my back on god that way & betray
i want to be righteous, i dont want to mess up anymore
i want to do what i want, to see my friends when i want
i want my friends like in the days of old
i love the those words 'the days of old'
they are to me a time in history when creation was right with God & all was well in our souls
& if we werent right with God we were very close, we were well

i dont feel very loved & i know its a lie...
but i cant fight it b/c it sounds so true
i need REAL friendships
i need deep roots
Like a tree whose leaves do not wither
surrounded by lovely streams
streams of love
streams of Love
--"BEBEN Y BEBEN Y VUELVEN A BEBER
LOS PECES EN EL RÍO POR VER AL DIOS NACER"

pancakes and Sunshine

Well here is another attempt at yet another blog site --we'll see how this goes. Im not sure why im starting this I already have a myspace and facebook I can write in But for some reason I think this will be different. I dont know what this will look like, what kind of entries/blogs and such I just hope to write more, write honestly, write carefree, the little silly things of my days and the deep waters I tread thru along the way.
Sincerely,
me


This morning my dad made us pancakes for breakfast --it was lovely. I got to help, did a little here and there, flipped some pancakes in the air. We made a tower of more than 15 pancakes & it was delicious :)


I've been having this ongoing feeling every morning that today will be a beautiful day. & they have been beautiful days, very quaint just a simple beauty. Its a bit odd and surprising, nothing big happens to make them beautiful they just start that way, with that feeling.

I can only imagine that this feeling is somehow how Jesus looked. It was said that he would have no beauty or anything in his appearance to attract us to him[Isa. 53:2] & a couple days ago a friend and I happen to be talking about this. How it is so hard to imagine a Jesus who maybe looked a little plain even ugly. Its so hard to rip away from the mind all the images that artist have depicted of him throughout the ages. How it was so difficult to imagine a Jesus without beauty when I find soo beautiful the man who knows my every detestable thing...shame & hate . . and yet, still lifts my head, wraps his arms around me and showers me with tears of love. The man that would give his every drop of blood, his very last breath, who would endure torture and pain that we may someday see his unconditional love. How could I imagine a Jesus without beauty when I find him soo beautiful its l o v e. He is love --looking at me, seeing me like none has done before --like no one has ever taken the time to do so before.

Its hard to imagine I love him back. I know I am very grateful & I say I love him and I do --But its so difficult to understand love, especially true love. I truly want to love him but how can I love him when my love looks like caring for those I love. I care for the ones I love, look after them and share time, joy, and beauty with them But how can i do that with God. How can I care for and look after God and his son. When I know love as to care, how could I not be confused as to if I love God enough or the way I would like --or better yet, love him the way I am use to loving.
But I do know that God would want my love for him to look like loving those around me, on this round earth. Because that is what love looks like, Loving him, honoring him and loving others, all others, just as he did.